We have two more weekends until Lacamas and Lavon would like to spend this one riding 'Jet Ski's' at a 'Reservoir'.
The only man made body of water I appreciate is a bath tub. Furthermore, for me 'Jet' and 'Ski' are two words that go together like 'Space' and 'Ship'. Taken separately, why not. Fast and Vast, quiet and transportive. The stuff of cheesy meeting room posters.
Combine these nouns and my sphinctor snaps shut like a partisan mind. Whose doesn't? I will tell you whose: Aliens and Lavon's.
Jet skis are loud and dangerous and ruined my quiet childhood on the REAL lakes of Northern Idaho. Lakes with secluded rock beaches and clean* water; miles from any other person, beer cans, or dead carp.
Honey and Bucket
PLUS This: I used to live next door to a family who every year had the newest in snow machines and jet skis, dirt bikes and atvs…but no indoor plumbing. THEY PEED IN COFFEE CANS IN THE WINTER!! Where are the priorities of these Jet Ski Enthusiasts? Thank GOD Keurig has changed everything.
Spectator and Sports
Jai is getting fat, laying around the house watching me bitch about jet skis. Jack is still in repose, licking the ghost of his balls. Neither have been worked outside my 9 acre stubble field in too long. Only Biz works sheep on any sort of aggressive schedule, because she is small enough to fit through the fence and I'm not fast enough to catch her.
Sometimes Lavon likes to spontaneously suggest we work in the
evenings. Sometimes this is not convenient with my happy hour routines. Sometimes I think instead we should watch Orange is the New
Black or sit in the yard, under the trees, and speculate idley on what
the fuck the neighbors are doing that involves so much mowing and a
little bench that overlooks clippings. They could feed their one
unhappy goat those clippings. They never do.
Shit and Shingle
This trial is coming up fast. We should be going to the part of the desert that doesn't feature an artificial cavity full of seepage, we should set sheep instead of jet ski.
I think aliens probably don't even have sphinctors, but I don't know what Lavon's excuse is.
*Except the toxic mining waste and heavy metals