I'm having some YouTube dude teach me to whistle with my fingers because that is ALL that stands between me and greatness ….and possibly worms.  (If I'm going to be sticking my fingers into my mouth all the time, my body is going to have to buck up and embrace the influx of foreigners. It's going to be like 20th century Ellis Island in there.) 

Derek came over the other night and we drank wine and talked about dogs and training dogs and trainers and breeding and at some point he talked about whistling with your fingers as being a truer, crisper sound with more range and clarity,

"It's like the difference between Mariah Carey and Britney Spears…" he said.  I SHIT you NOT…that is the analogy he used.  Fortunately when he noticed my eyes spinning hopelessly in their sockets, he added,

"Or…the difference between an opera singer and a pop star who needs synthesizing."

Derek said that some famous open handler from the Father Land told him when he started out that the first thing he needed to do was learn to whistle with his fingers,

"You will get better sound, you will have more commands and more finesse."

I asked if this handler's wife also used her fingers, because I was picturing not her own, anyway…maybe orphan fingers hung from a pretty beaded lanyard around her neck… I was wondering if it was hard being adopted if you didn't have your pinkie fingers, but assumed it wasn't as bad as no legs or flipper arms…and it's probably also not as bad being a finger donor as working in the Nike fields.

"I think she does…use her own fingers, Katy."

"Does she wear Nikes?"

Anyway…so today at work I'm hunkered down in my cubicle trying to whistle.  It isn't going well.  I can't whistle WITHOUT fingers, using just my lips.  It mostly just makes me tunelessly light headed in the midst of my own spittle storm.  Add fingers and it just seems like I should also dance and fart bass from an ass horn. But I won't because I'm at work. I do not need that much range.

I need to have this mastered by my next trial.  I need that finesse, those extra commands.  It is all that stands in the way between me and greatness.  Besides a down on Pat and my timing, Jai's boycotting of certain flanks…. me in general.  Worms.

Fedex on a couple of little fingers.