When my dog is working really well for me; when everything is going at that perfect pace and he is listening to every whistle, every command and sheep are hitting the obstacles perfectly at a relaxed and lovely pace…I naturally assume that my dog is dying of some hideous internal parasite or rare disease. 

"There is NO WAY that a healthy Pat would lie down like that!" I say.

"LOOK AT HIM! Shit, it's worse than I thought! HE IS TAKING A 'STEADY' EVERY TIME!! He isn't blowing out when I correct him….He's thinking way too much.  This is bad. Really bad.  I'm not a vet, but I can see that he is riddled with spleen mites! Or some wasting disease…he will have to have every movable part amputated in order to save his beautiful kind head…which, though I love, will be useless to me in a few weeks at Wessels."

Or…will it?  I start daydreaming about transplanting Pat's head on Scout's body…could it be done? Scout's head could, in turn, go….onto…a squirrel! Or magpie!! I love Scout, and I can see her really shining as some sort of censuring rodent with a really cute tail.  Or a disagreeable yet lovable bird who feasts on carrion and recognizes which faces she wants to poo on from aloft.  She could still use her crate at night! 

People accuse me of being hysterical.  They say useless things like,

"Pat is really listening to you!"

"Pat trusts you now because you don't cry so much."

"Maybe it's easier for Pat to work for someone who isn't flailing and screeching at every ill-timed moment possible? Making him lie down only to lose his sheep. And then whine his name in chronic disappointment."

Maybe.  I don't know.  I'm not ruling out a squirrel for Scout's head, though. Just in case. 

Last year at this time I was planning for, and writing about the Summer of Suck tour, where Pat and I would enter PN in various trials across the west and spend my suck.  Lavishly shower novice errors onto any and all trial fields within my season's reach. 

I bought a crook that was too short as an accessory. 

My plan was to go to the post enough times to make every mistake I could make until feeling stupid and awkward felt natural.  I thought time at the post would count towards making me a better handler.  The way going to church makes some people feel magically forgiven for killing hookers and dumping them in the desert or being republican.  (JUST KIDDING REPUBLICAN FRIENDS!! Hooker killers have to tithe!)

Pat and I entered Wessels Dirt Blowing, Kelley Creek and Palm Cottage.  And Athena.  We sucked soundly in all venues.  Especially at Kelley Creek where I tried my now patented Penning 3 of 5 sheep.  

In July Pat went away for about 9 months (281 days, but who counts? He's just a dog…) and in October I got Jai from P*trick.  

Dianne likes to say that people come in to your life for a reason. I believe this is true with the military, babies and tapeworms…but not necessarily for me.  DOGS, however…

I couldn't HOPE to run Pat with anything BUT full throttle SUCK last year. He was too fast and I couldn't process fast enough to EVER be EVEN CLOSE to right in my timing.  Sometimes I would just stand at the post and say his name, sadly, madly, disappointedly.  I would watch things unfold as he frantically tried to get through it all. Ten long minutes for both of us…all 7 if you counted the sheep (and I, obviously, didn't). 

I often wished I'd thought to bring a magazine. 

Pat taught me patience.  He taught me to trust my dog, but also to earn the dog's trust.  I wasn't trustworthy; I was wrong more than he was, and I didn't help him.  When things were right, usually in practice, it physically felt right.  He taught me alot that only now, after working with Jai for awhile, are things that I'm beginning to understand.

Jai has had some confidence issues (which is what she says about me on HER BLOG…I'm sure) and tends to be much slower, more hesitant. which has helped with my timing and my aim at obstacles. She seems to abhor the comeby side in general, as well as geometricly interesting fencelines and the idea of ever seeing a sweater in her size again.  (I use this as a tool/threat in training).  I have had to be Jai's cheerleader. (Again…I'm sure she feels the same about me).  It makes me being RIGHT an imperative. 

Jai and Pat have some similarities – both are sensitive and get wide, wider, widest under pressure or harsh command.  Jai has more eye.  Pat has a lot of power.   Jai can be close and not have a huge effect on the stock, Pat has to be way off.  If conditions are less than optimal (almost always) good luck slowing Pat down, and have a nice afternoon getting Jai to take your come-bye if there is a piece of farm equipment on the horizon, a child with a shovel in her memory or a sheep who isn't polite.  The wind is Satan whispering DON'T EVEN LOOK AT MY CARSEAT COVERS, DOG! AVERT YOUR EYES OR I'LL PUT YOU IN AN ITCHY CARDIGAN FOR ALL ETERNITY.

I love both of these dogs and I am really grateful that I have them. (Jai would agree on her blog that I am affectionate and can drive; plus open complicated containers; she also thinks the right one of us is wearing the sweaters). 

I've entered Pat and Jai in the same trials as last year, plus a few.  We'll see what this season brings.

Although I'm usually certain that EVERYTHING I say is original and thought provoking….we novices, apparently, all say the same things.  Do the same things.  (Except Derek Fisher who was born whistling LIE DOWN with his little bitty fingers)….And they are wrong.  Or they are would look better on a t-shirt than in your head on the trial field:

Send left or right? Which way did you (or are you going to) send your dog? – Novices

"What is more important is that you have a plan. Put a plan in your head and stick with it. If you have a plan in your head, your dog can get it…" – Patrick

Sometimes my plan is to wait until I finish my run to drink liberally.  Or weep.  This is a good PERSONAL plan, but it's not especially useful information for my dog on the field.  Sometimes my plan includes blaming setout if things go badly, but it lacks authority since things usually go badly closer to MY sphere of influence than SETOUT'S. I was unable last year, for instance, at Kelley Creek, to successfully blame setout for my attempt to pen 3 of the 5 sheep at the end of a profoundly wince-worthy run.  Patrick likes to use this as an example NOT of Setout Failure, but Novice Ignorance. 

Lately my plan has been to slap my leg less and try to not say any derivative of Dammit or Fuck on the field. THIS is helpful, but only slightly.

Where does the drive end?

"Be in the moment – don't think ahead to the shed or the pen, and do not go back (or stay) stalled on something bad that happened before (during the run)." – Patrick

NOW my plan will be to limit my planning to focus on the field, the obstacle, my dog, the sheep and Right Now.  DD last year told me to think of the field in 10 – 20 foot increments.  Only worry about that next 20 feet at a time.  Pat could, and can (HE'S BACK!) cover 20 feet in less time than it takes for me to fantasize about whistling a down, which is really all I was capable of, seemingly, last year.

There is often not enough time to play all the scenarios swinging from Grandious Delusion (SHE WON!! EVERYTHING!! SOMEONE SHOULD BREED THAT DOG! AND THE WOMAN!! BUT NOT TO EACHOTHER!)  to Sheep Armeggedon (All of them, even the one's at setout. Dead. Mangled and run into fences…bent like spoons or dropped over from fear and screeching)  that tend to play out in my head during those ten minutes. I can go back to an incident in childhood involving a willful scratchy sweater that ruined my 12th year or the fact that I'm pretty sure my  pants are unzipped and have been for an hour or more..but I don't want to look because who looks at their crotch at the post?  It's small wonder my whistles are late or nonexistant and that sometimes my only input to the dog during the latter part of our run is a sob.  

This is changing though.  I have two good dogs who are getting better and dragging me with them.  Actually Pat has always been good, and Jai is certainly good and getting better every day…but my power of suck has in the past tended to overpower this Goodness. 

Pat worked REALLY WELL for me this weekend, and has since I got him back. DD says this is because I have improved as a handler; Jai has helped me tremendously. Pat trusts me to help him, rather than hinder him.  He's calmer and I'm calmer. Our moments of defining new lows are seemingly decreasing. 

The clinic was really helpful and fun. I learned new things and old things took root.  Some things DD will have to continue to beat out of me,

"What's with the leg slapping? Why not just ask her to 'walk up'? Do you have to slap your leg?" – Dianne

Yes. I do.  FOR NOW.

Yesterday I worked PAT and Jai in Double D's field.

Yes! Pat is back.  He looks great, he appears to feel great.   Since he's been back, about a week, we've been mostly staring at each other and wagging and having snacks and long walks/runs in the desert and foothills. We've been NOT MAKING EYE CONTACT with aussies. (Zeke Finley HATES Pat. But Zeke Finley hates everyone at first. Except Jen, the sandy old tart.) 

Yesterday was our first opportunity to work with sheep again.

I know that there were some present who hoped that Pat would take me for a Hump down memory lane.  I wasn't CERTAIN that he wouldn't.  I wasn't SURE that I wanted to work him yet.  I was going to give him a bath and a few more weeks of praise. A new collar with gold dollar signs all over it.  A cape.

But there we were, out at DDs.  We'd stopped by after a run in the desert to help band/worm/tag sheep, which they had JUST finished.

I don't want to mention any names, but someone said, in a voice dripping in Let's Dress the Monkey like a Fancy Lady,

"Hey, Katy, why don't you work PAT?"

"Okay," I said, glad that I hadn't worn shorts, "I WILL."

And it was good.  He listened pretty well, he layed down about 70 percent of the time I whistled it.  We can improve on that.  He's fun to work because he is definitely different from Jai.  Pat is all fast hustle and power and Jai is all soft finesse and compliance. 

I'm looking forward to entering both in whatever trial is next.

But first, this next weekend we have a clinic with the P*trick and DD.  It's a kalvacade of fun including the Nevada Women – Mary and Ann, my favorites from the Northwest, Mindy, Leslie and Erica…plus locals Kelsey and Jody R.

The monkey will assuredly dress like a fancy lady. 

I'll write about it. I promise!