Our goal for this weekend was to get out of the Novice class, without having DD or P*trick invent a new class just for me. One that excluded real livestock, and included a 'scooper' and maybe a monkey jockey. Organ music.
Accomplished. Jai and I won the novice class on Saturday. I don't remember our score. She took her 'steady' and made everything possible.
Others in our class did very well – ANN AND JANE!! (I MIS-REPORTED ORIGINALLY!! SORRY!) were a really close second on Saturday and Jody R and Reggie won the Novice class on Sunday with an even better score. Kelsey and Ewan did a fantastic job – it was their first trial and despite never actually practicing a pen….they got around the course and penned. Colleen and her kelpie 'Desi' were great… I don't remember anyone's score, again, because my head is full of other useful things like Where I Put My Driver's License and Why Beets Make You Pee Red. This is important because that's how I came to learn that I'M NOT DYING, I JUST LIKE RED ROOT VEGETABLES PERHAPS TOO MUCH and that I AM AN ORGAN DONOR. (I am a compulsive box checker.
'Check this box if you want your spleen to go to The Spleen Needy after you die'.
'Check this box if they can have it NOW! YOU get a free set of knives and an I Donated My Spleen at the DMV mug'…)
(I digress….see why I don't remember scores?)
Sunday we moved up to Pro-Novice and we did neither as well as I'd hoped (DELUSIONS! '
Check this box if you want to donate your soft focus fantasy Cortex to a needy pessiment!'
'Check this box to throw in that pair of pants that REALLY DOES make YOUR ASS LOOK BIG!'
'BIG LIKE A TWO-CAR GARAGE- THOSE POCKETS SHOULD OPEN BY REMOTE to reveal twin dimpled white mini-vans with TACKY BUMPER STICKERS!')
…nor as tragically as I'd feared (Sheep flung asunder, children crying, women fainting….me standing there. Just standing…a spectator; as if I had nothing to do with it. Nothing at all. Jai inexplicably suddenly wearing a WWII German SS uniform…Cringe.
(CHECK THIS BOX IF YOU MIGHT DO BETTER HANDLING PIGEONS OR EVEN FERRETS!! ARTISAN CHICKENS!! SOMETHING THAT IS AT LEAST CONTAINED!!! A CREATURE WHOSE SKILLS ARE LIMITED TO WEARING LITTLE OUTFITS OR NOSING AN IRONIC TOY AROUND FOR CRUNCHY TREATS!! PUSHING SOMETHING DECORATIVE FROM IT'S ASS OCCASIONALLY! EXPECTATIONS: HOMING INSTINCT! CORN! SHITTING ON SIDEWALKS! CHECK IT!! FOR THE LOVE OF ANIMAL HUSBANDRY GOD, CHECK IT NOW!)
In other Presidente News:
Susan and Vangie had beautiful runs both days. They took second place in Open yesterday. Yay!