What a hateful day! I'm so giddy to be done with it, that I've ventured out and will have REAL FOOD and a drink at the hotel bar. 

First, I admire people who can teach, but I am NOT one of them.  I don't even LEARN in that sort of structured environment. NEVER have.  I'm not a process person.  My mind is not linear.  Its impossible for me to read instructions.  I just skip around.  I can't listen to someone talk about anything for very long, unless it's their business and none of mine. Sometimes books …if they have something new to say.  I can't sit and go through a process; it seems like the long windy road around.  SO, for me to walk people through exercises today, slowing steps down, reiterating everything….hundreds and thousands of times repeating simple obvious instructions….instead of just pushing them out of the way and doing the analysis for them. It was agonizing.  These are intelligent people.  They are, many of them, addicted to process.  It was 3 hours of this and I ran out at 5 to get on a conference call and talked to the slowest talker in the world for another hour.  We talked about my group and our planned coup. We talked about our meeting next week. He  …paused….so…many times…during …this …call…that….I….actually…..jumped…up and down……then I remembered my half bottle of wine from last night and drank it.  I surfed the web. I twitched for it all to be over, knowing how relieved I'd be.  I AM!! I AM!!

FOR YEARS I would not agree to be the GS rating I am now because I KNEW what it would mean and that I would hate my job because of it.  The money just wasn't important enough to dred going to work.  Here I am and what I've come to learn is that its just like everything else. The low points help make simple highs like tonight possible. Seriously. I am FUCKING giddy to be eating my hummus and drinking this overpriced drink in the hotel bar because my day is DONE.  My week, really, is done. Tomorrow is just sitting in the back occassionally answering a question.  I can handle that.

GIDDY, I tell you!

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