I look exactly the same, except now I have front teeth and wrinkles and a two or three times the body mass.
I still have done *jack shite* on my presentation for tomorrow. Other than assure the coordinator that I'll be there. I didn't add, "Dressed as a taco." but I wanted to.
Craig has a new potential girlfriend and he has asked that I read and translate her emails for signs of Interest.
"Your a woman," he observed. I was wearing my more feminine scowl.
This time he brought a handful of small sized candy bars. I picked through them until I found an acceptable one: A Crunch Bar,
"You don't want my input on this," I warned him, unwrapping the chocolate and stuffing into my mouth,
"I am so horrendous at reading subtle social signals and cues as to be almost good at math instead of hygiene."
"I can't tell if she's just being friendly, or whether I should fly to South Carolina and bring some condoms…I need your help. I don't trust anyone else around here."
(!!! I KNOW!! WAS HE DRUNK? NO! I almost spit out the confection. Instead I ate another one rapidly, a Mounds, while he gave me the background on this woman. I believe I nodded, not so much in agreement as in time with my chewing.)
Like Craig's last 3 "lady friends", he met and "dated" this woman over 30 years ago. They had reconnected on Facebook, where she "looks exactly the same as she did back then!"
Yes, of course. I look exactly the same as I did when I was 7 on my Facebook … Because its a picture of me when I was seven.
"In eighth grade we were inseparable," he said, "I've been stalking her on the internet since July…she finally emailed me back and we're starting to rekindle things. I think. She's a little slow to respond…"
"Maybe instead of condoms and flying, you could drive a van to South Carolina and bring shackles. And some GHB."
"What is GHB?" he asked. Because the Van and Shackles sounded reasonable, I suppose.
"Google it," I replied. "I have to finish this presentation…." I gestured at my screen, which was actually on gmail at the time. He never looks.
He took the remaining 6 candies. He still hasn't forwarded me the email, but now I am curious. I'll do anything to avoid working on something that I hate so much. Like update this blog with blan chatter. I have NO DISCIPLINE. NONE.
I have a map of the US with aircraft and weather and fires….and nothing to say about any of it. I will stand up before these now numbering 50+ people tomorrow, dressed as a taco, and I will simply chew while the map rotates on its access. Maybe I'll read aloud from Craig's emails….if he ever sends them. He is so unreliable…