Sunday GSH is having guest trainer Derek Fabulous Fisher teach lessons in Caldwell.  It hasn't been SPECIFIED but I hope that he will be giving us a bit more than the standard Dianne fare.  I mean, Dianne is GREAT with the dogs, and the people, and the training of both on livestock. Classic stuff…but I want to hope that bringing Derek in means that we are FINALLY going to address some other important issues.  Like fashion.

I think we could all use some tips on Walking to the Post.  Sashay? Grind? Runway walk?  CRAWL with fruit in your mouth? Dianne has been known to throw in a pratfall, and I'm certain that works if you can pull it off, but some of us can't, not in hooker heels and a skirt so short that the clerk in the children's store didn't want you to try it on, let alone sell it to you.  Some of us know that our only hope for getting a 'score' on the trial field is in distraction from the actual DOG on STOCK portion of the run.  With the right outfit, anyone can run in open. I'm convinced of it. I've convinced myself and it's no where near happy hour.  In Greenleaf.

But, you might ask, what if its a WOMAN JUDGE? Someone who, once she gets over the horror of seeing a fellow female handler crawl to the post in an S&M vinyl truss, actually watches the dog and the stock and RATES YOU ACCORDINGLY?  This is where an experienced voice like Derek will really have some good ideas.  Tough stuff.  I won't trial under a woman, personally, because they are too emotional.  Too much drama. 

Anyway! If you are in the Caldwell area on Sunday, consider stopping by and learn to crawl like an Open Handler.  Pro Novice is just another word for Dignity.  You have NOTHING to lose.

I'm off to train with the Traditional.