This morning I got to work at an hour I normally reserve for not-getting-up-for-another-half-an-hour. I had a meeting I needed to prepare for, that I hadn't prepared for days in advance, like normal people, because I hate meetings and preparing for them just makes them that much more real to me….So, I was left throwing some things on paper at Ridiculous:30 this morning and hoping for the best. Hoping no one would question the ABSOLUTE bullshit that I was putting together.
I find that if you don't know what you are talking about in government meetings, wax very general on gossimer things, followed up with something made-up out of thin crisp morning air. Also, always bring snacks.
"We're working on a plan to enhance interagency data sharing at all levels of fed, state, and local government….and we're getting funded out of the new surplus Plume monies…have a donut hole."
There are no Plume monies. But no one at my level or above likes to admit they haven't heard of something. Everyone at today's meetings will, by tomorrow, react in one of two ways, depending on the amount of powdered sugar on their lips at the end of my schpiel:
1) Know that I'm a fabricator, or just really wrong. These are the minority quiet technical types. No threat to me whatsoever. At the most they will privately correct me or be amused.
2) Fully embrace and lobby for some of this 'Plume' money.
The second group is the most fun, because these will be the managers. They'll make calls to big guys in DC and demand that their project be funded out of the 'Plume' budget. Confusion will ensue, more calls to higher offices….eventually a Plume budget will exist THEORETICALLY enough to be as real as anything else in government. Then I won't be such a lazy ass liar.
It's how I live my professional life.