Enjoy a page from my work history.  This happened about a year ago….I was talking to a new friend last weekend and this came up.  When you hear Waste In Government…consider that there are highly paid positions in government that scan our (fed employee) internet usage, badly, come to erroneous and wrong conclusions, bring more highly paid people in to have meetings and do more scanning…a hive of frenzied activity follows, meetings meetings meetings….a session with everyone involved (plane travel across the west)…HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. NOT just to me.

Meanwhile…in the field, people who do real work are being let go.  Jobs are not being filled behind.  Therein lie the real gaping twatage.  The following letter, which I was asked to write amidst my own 'investigation' ('Gina Gate) is probably, hopefully in my personal file. It joins a few others, needless to say.

Raw Story: The Stranger
-Or
How I May Have Come Closer Than I’d Like to Britney’s Lady Garden


By Kathryn S. Madrid-H*pke, IT Specialist


Up until a few weeks ago, I never would have thought I’d have to see or hear my longtime friend and co-worker Janus R. make reference to Britney Spears Nether Regions.  Not because it isn’t a topic related to our Important Work for the Government. We often discuss (on our own time, as per BLM IB entitled ‘General Rules and Guidelines for Use of Vocal Chords during Normal Working Hours’) more personal things, such as our children and books, politics and how hungry I am around lunchtime. 
I guess of all the things that life has to offer and that we have to discuss, the genitals of a vacuous has-been teen pop star has just never seemed likely.  For the 13 years I have worked closely with this highly intelligent and logical woman, I have never heard her reference either ‘Britney Spears’ or ‘vaginas’, not literally nor figuratively.  I feel sad that somehow I have contributed to this no longer being the case.  I think, in fact, it is the very thing, in this complicated quagmire of ridiculous bureaucratic buffoonery and outrage, for which I feel the most bad.

It seems that sometime back in November or December (I don’t have the dates because I’ve never actually seen anything official) my computer or my login (haven’t seen anything official) accessed a website or an image that contained a link to, or actual graphic of (???) the unpantied region that is Ms. Britney Spears’ Lady Garden.    Some say it may be on my computer right now as I type these words.  (I did do a search on *brit* and this only yielded a projection file for the British National Grid and a font called Britanic. I’m no Donald Lee, but I assume that these are Safe for the Workplace and not what all the fuss is about).

I’ve been asked, “Katy, how did this happen. What did you do? Do you secretly PINE for young, blonde, bat-shit crazy bimbettes?”
The answers are, “I don’t know, I don’t know and most assuredly not. Were I to turn suddenly, ravingly, link-clickingly queerer than green ink, I would suspect that my tastes would run more toward Christian Amnapour or perhaps even that chick with the big teeth who played a boxer in a movie…I forget her name but she gets beat up a lot in movies and could be hot if I could convince myself she were a 23 year old guy, and I had to, because I was in prison or on a women-only deserted island, or something….

I guess my only idea is that I am on the web a lot, as per the BLM MEMO GENERAL RULES AND GUIDELINES FOR BLM COMPUTER SYSTEM USE, and I access sites that I assume are okay, like Raw Story ( a news site, but it has a lot of entertainment news and it refreshes automatically if you don’t close the window, which I frequently have not. I like to keep informed on the news. To enhance my job skills and such), or The Stranger, an alternative weekly that has an online ‘slog’ wherein the writers post news updates constantly and since my daughter is one such writer, I have historically accessed it, too, a lot (during my personal time) and have read many a post, during my own time, , and felt my job skills enhanced each and every time.
Did I ever knowingly access an x-rated site or image?
No.
I have a framed copy of Britney’s hoo-hoo now, though, thanks to my loving family.
I have seen the picture. It’s lurid and stupid and not worth all the meetings caused on its behalf.
Someone besides me owes Janis and vaginas both an apology.

Advertisements