What is the sound of one hand slapping….
Week two with my beloved daughter at home has her starting every sentence with, "I think you should…."
You can fill in the rest with such gems as:
"be in the middle lane. AND STOP TAIL-GATING!"
"stop wearing your sunglasses so much!"
"have fewer dogs!"
"wear more skirts!"
"stop calling what comes in a Fun Size bag 'dinner'… "
I love her more than I love the quiet, blessed nag-free solitude that proceeds her visits, but sometimes I can hardly keep my hand from reaching out toward her face in a frantic claw…or slapping-like gesture. I have to keep grabbing it back, truly. Holding it at my side. My other hand resents having to do this. Thinks we should let the one hand speak for the rest of the limbs, quickly. Then its over and hugs all around.
"I think you should relax…is your arm spasming, again??"
On a plus side, I did get my eyebrows waxed and tomorrow is a pedicure ….and she bought me a dress that is quite beautiful or would be on a mother with breasts and hips and a dress-wearing demeanor….one who shaves her legs more often than the solstice, for instance, or who can remember to sit correctly. One who doesn't need somewhere to put her machete….I think we both need to accept that I am only capable of so much personal improvement. Behold! My newly separated brows! United they Frown, Divided they ….uh…look surprised. That's all I've got.
I love you, Cienna. I will miss you and all your worldly advice and wisdom. But not that dress.
You have it all wrong: I think you should stop TEXTING while TAILGATING.
And wearing your sun glasses IN MOVIE THEATERS and to FUNERALS.
You should eat more beets. At your age, they might just save your eyesight.
I think you should buy more skirts so you’ll stop WEARING MINE.
Oh, and I think you should feed your children and husband better than you do your packs and packs and packs of half-trained, gently-rabid, organically-fed dogs.
That is all. KISSES!!!