Evelyn suggested that I use her 'Communicator', Miguel, to help dig into Mizti's biting problem.  She also suggested that I not call it a 'problem' so much as an 'opportunity' because problem is negative.  Mitzi is a sensitive dog.  I need to set her up for success.  AND children need discipline, it's true; still, Evelyn was clearly nipping off the Bailey's and Pam cannister with her morning coffee. 

Miguel is actually Evelyn's ex-husband.  ('Miguel' was 'Mike' up until a few months ago, when he found out that that his real Mother might be Spanish (Mexican).  He then had surgery to enable him to roll his r's.  He has adopted a fake spanish accent and head bands.  He watches the Dog Whisperer to perfect his accent, which, sadly, sounds vaguely irish at this point in his transition.)  

Evelyn is my dearest friend, but mixing alcohol with cooking spray has
caused her, on more than one occasion, to put wild unrestrained faith
in whatever shirtless man is convenient at the time. Miguel is not an Animal Communicator. He is an opportunist who uses his one-eyed poodle, Sandra, to do his dirty work, his talking, for him.

When they moved in together, according to Evelyn, Miguel had Sandra speak "frankly" to Evelyn's cats, Tonto and Lingus.  He had the nappy little cylcops tell Evelyn's 6 year old kitties to respect the new tenants's boundaries — stop laying on Miguel's things, scratching around in his dry-cleaning basket, and hissing and yowling their bitchy Mariner's Catch breath all over the place "for no reason".  The cats ignored all and continued to leave clumps of hair on both he and Sandra's pillows and on more than one occasion horked "deliberately" all over Miguel's Golf Pro magazine. 

Sandra claimed that the cats were laughing at them.  Trying to force them out.

According to Miguel, the one-eyed dog continued to try to be reasonable, to suggest that they, the cats, should stay confined to the laundry room and garage until they wanted to "behave as part of the  family"….and the cats communicated back that they "should go f**k themselves; the cats wanted to be 'set free' , to be released back into their  "native ecosystem", which Miguel promptly did, although where this was remains to this day a vague mystery.  Where besides an aging alcoholic's upscale condominium would a pair of de-clawed and bejeweled Persians feel they belong?

After the divorce, Miguel moved into Evelyn's garage.  Evelyn has a soft heart. She is always trying to find him work.

Sandra's one eye gleems pure watery evil.  I do not trust that dog to translate shit.

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