Carolyn is an angry angry woman, in a happy snowman sweater, with a
button nose and corncob pipe, and two eyes made out of hate. She is our
'email administrator' so maybe she reads the emails we all send to
each other about what a hideous hag she is, topped only by complete
incompetence and a bad blonde dye job. Regardless, bitterness and
antipathy are her constant companions. Which makes the fact that she is
plastering our workspace with shiny Christmas baubles incomprehensible.
Why would a woman who never smiles and when forced to return a greeting
chooses, "Yeah, whatever," drape frosty garland and mock gifts brought by
blinking-eyed reindeer over every flat surface?
Isn't there something deranged about piping Joy to the World! over
the PA system while gleefully bragging in the foreground that you've
just had your children's dog put to sleep because he barked too much
and sheds "like a bastard"?
"They only charge $45 at the pound and it's FAST!" she announced,
whipping off her red and green scarf. "I didn't even have to turn off
"You could have just left the dog in the garage with the car running
and saved yourself the $45…" mumbled Sheniqua who, like all of us,
thinks Carolyn is Satan in a big red pant's suit.
There are green bell baskets lining the ceiling of the hall. There
are more little Santa figurines than there are people to smash them.
There is so much visual noise that my inner asian child is having regular seizures.
Carolyn just hung up on someone who called to report that her email wasn't working.
"I'm BUSY!" she snapped, stringing lights that also play a tune.
The tune is 'Deck the Halls'
Tonight, after everyone else leaves, I will harmonize the decor to better suit our office environment.
I will shop at lunch.