I got a job in fire because I'm really only capable of paying attention to things that hurt or change constantly.   I am good with computers, and software, but it's nothing especially useful.  I can make decent maps; I'm a passable programmer in esoteric languages that mean nothing to most people. I shine mostly when something is horribly wrong and needs to be fixed, many times after I've broken it and I'm panicked. 

I like to be sequestered in small cubicles, surrounded by piles of old papers and recycling.

I express myself best through crude gestures.

Why would anyone want me to represent an agency on a national working team?  It's the sort of ignorance that causes people to dress their cats in little hats and throw birthday celebrations.  (Chet has pictures. Mr. Wiggims turned three this weekend).

So, I'm in a 3 day meeting.  It's like the 7th layer of hell, only with donuts and scented markers.  I'm starting to alarm people with my not-so covert sniffing of the cherry cola red wide tip.  Our 'facilitator' keeps trying to get it from me, sidling over to where I sit, behind a pile of inferior scents, and holding out her hand,

"I need the RED one…" she says, enunciating more each time. 

I need the red one.   It reminds me of jolly rancher candies and happier times. Times when there wasn't some severe woman in an incongruous hearts-and-butterfly sweater looming over my joy.

She wants to underline important points. What about MY important points?

I've tossed her the Green Apple and the Black Licorice, the Grape, and the …whatever the f*ck that brown one was supposed to smell like. It was NASTY.  I cannot believe that the marker company kept the Brown Scent team on after this release.  The facilitator has a mole that I think she should have checked out. Now is not the time to mention it, though.

The facilitator is starting to be visibly agitated.  It's funny because during her periods of glaring at me over marker choices and posturing for dominance, the meeting is running amok without someone to guide it.  I'm the only one who raises my hand when I want to say something.  I do it to tease the facilitator. It's my marker holding hand.    

God I hate meetings. I keep suggesting breaks.  At first the facilitator was on my side.  We had 3 breaks in the first two hours before people started getting cranky. 

It's been said before and will be said again: I gesture with my hands when I talk.  The facilitator is wearing beige pants.   I can almost make her dance.