I've lost my cell phone. So, if anyone tries to call me odds are you'll get a homeless guy or a pawn shop.  This should work just fine for my mom.  Maybe she can invite someone new to Xmas in Coeur d'Alene this year. 
"And don't make fun of Mary's ham this year, Judy!" she'll tell the confused hangover on the other end.

And this new Judy won't, for 2 reasons: 1)  Ham! Who doesn't love ham? (sorry jews and people of Islam, and me, mostly because)…2) It isn't ham.  My mother believes with all her gentle aged heart that it is, but it, infact, is turkey.  Mary makes beautiful centerpieces, decorates as if she had a Martha Stewart holiday suppository pinging the homey cutesy genes into overdrive; she's nice and she's fun…but her cooking is so bad that meats change species on your plate.  I do love her Pizza Gheen though I can't spell it. The homeless will love it because it will last for a week in a soiled pocket or so I firmly believe.

Maybe we'll all be on our best behavior with the new Judy.   I should call Mary and tell her there will be 3 Judies this year, including the Original….but I can't….

See how far I've fallen from my topic?

I miss my dogs, Eric, Carlos (not in that order! That's just the order of who typically greets me in the morning, all but Carlos, with a face lick of sorts) …

One more day of this meeting and I'm outta here.  I don't care if I never see downtown Reno again. (Sorry new Judy, you're going to love my mother's basement. I know her semi-feral cats do).


I went out and bought a *new* cell phone.  Almost immediately it rang. When I answered, Eric's voice asked tentatively, "Who is this?….Katy?"

He had finally received my email saying I wouldn't be calling because I gave my phone to Reno. He was calling to tell whoever had it to please give it back. Sometimes he's so naive that I want to hug him tight enough to cause slight hemorrhaging.  He seemed sad to have me on the other end of the line,

"Did you find your phone?" he asked.

"No…I bought a new one!"

Silence while he considered the worst possible news.  Eric has not replaced his phone. Ever. Not technically. He doesn't have the same exact phone, because he washed the first model in his pants pockets, accidentally, and the second one got eaten by Scout, who hates CERTAIN electronics. He tried for 3 days to duct tape that phone back together…but eventually was forced to face the grim truth.  It had only one number button left and the screen was missing. It wouldn't hold a charge…still, I shit you not, it took him 3 days to stop hoping that magically he could go on, making and receiving calls on a phone without a screen and one number 7 key, that had to be plugged in constantly to even light up.  The light is what fueled his ridiculous dream.

Finally Eric replaced the phone, as he does every time, with the exact same model, as found on Ebay.  Ground shipping.  My old phone battery wasn't even dead yet, probably, and I'd rushed out and replaced it with a newer better model.  No period of mourning for me.  Would he be surprised to come home from smokejumping some summer, a day or two later than expected to find that I'd remarried?

Hey, a person has needs.  I need a phone.

"But…what if they find it? I was trying to call…."

What if, indeed.  I ask the same question myself about the missing link and Jesus, unicorns and that boy who was supposedly raised by sea monkeys somewhere out in Iowa….

Anyway. I have a new phone. It's really nice. Because I'm A Sales Representative's Christmas Stocking.  So far I like it a lot though, the phone.  I would take a picture of it and post that picture here on my blog, but I'd need the phone to take the picture and pretty soon it becomes a real paradox of Buddhist proportions.

I love airports.  There is a woman who just walked by with her child on a leash.  He's like…8.  I miss my dogs still and more. I'd call, but even if one of them could reach a phone, and figured out answering, Scout would chew it to pieces before I could say 'Hey'…  that dog really hates inferior technology.