I think that if my government meetings were run more like stockdog trials we'd get more done and/or move along faster. We could disqualify participants for …oh, lack of progress, unnecessary gripping of stupid ideas, taking the meeting off course. 
If we timed each manager with one of those big red clocks, and hired a judge…maybe a tax payer…to call TIME! at regular intervals.
At the end of the meeting the judge would score our bureaucratic processes based on how well each manager did with gathering information, driving points home, shedding out the stupid shit that other people interjected REPEATEDLY, and finally penning his topic in 12 minutes or less. Thirty if there are handouts and powerpoints to be distributed (double lift) or more stupid ideas than usual due to the presence of managers from other agencies (interagency shed).
This could ensure that only projects that make it to the finals would be funded. 

Yeah.  Its a stretch, but it gave me something to think about instead of who would look the silliest naked and what it would take to get them that way…publicly…..$!0,000? A kitten on a sawblade murel? Gunplay? What about  a dolphin?

I'm not bred for meetings.  I get twitchy and my mind wanders in impossible directions.  Like….did you ever hear of John C.  Lilly's experiment with dolphins in the 1960s?  In order to study dolphin/human interactions Lilly had his attractive young female assistant shack up with a male dolphin for a period of time …21 months?  The experiment ended prematurely due to the cute assistant tiring of the dolphins increasing sexual demands and her struggle with depression.  Living knee deep in sea water and the constant odor of fish,  plus bad decade decor, the last thing that poor hot girl needed was to be repeatedly hit on by Bubba of the Sea.  No means no, flipper.   Still, I wonder if years later…when she was an old woman…like now-ish…Margaret looks back fondly on that time and wonders what might have been…if only she could have not cared what her parents and friends would have thought.  If she could have just closed her eyes and pretended he wasn't nearly a fish.

I hate meetings.

Advertisements